Our normals may not be the same. And that should be ok with each of us.
In the world of social media and sharing there are many doors opened. These doors lead to great connections made by moms around the world, some are good for information or advice you may be seeking, others are just fun seeing a different world than yours. It would be great if every door was positive but sadly this world comes with negativity too and some pretty mean things.
A month or two ago I saw a poor mom defending herself over an image that was getting shared around. She had full makeup on and was just meeting her baby the first time via C-section. People were outraged this mother would take the time to do herself up. Stating she was selfish, it was disgusting, and she was completely vain. Truth behind the photo wasn’t the case. She had an emergency delivery and had no time to plan for the birth of her beautiful baby.
I very recently had Apple and I never thought my first blog entry would be anything but my birth story and first week. But this won’t be the case. It’s this post and how we act towards other mothers. It’s important to me to share what I came across from my leaving the hospital photo.
Attacks. I had been attacked on a shared image of my choice to 1) wear heels 2) walk out of the hospital 3) put myself together.
I shouldn’t have to defend my choices and it should have been a glorious share of me in my element with my baby. It should have been positive because I felt great and had another healthy baby. But it wasn’t. Some moms couldn’t see past my shoes or the fact I was standing at all. I started to write back to the negative comments while Apple nursed peacefully at my 5am feeding time after coming across a share on Facebook. Each one the same thing, saying I didn’t actually put on full makeup, I only had blush on, my hair was in a topknot and my heels were low and comfortable to me. Also adding that the hospital allowed moms to walk out if they chose to. My sweater was loose, jeans were stretchy and jacket an oversize easy wearing coat.
Why was I carrying my Orbit car seat? Honestly, I was feeling mama bearish at the time. I have what my husband says is a tendency to control everything. And that photo shows that loud and clear! I wanted Apple in my arms to keep her close to me. I didn’t want my husband buckling her in, carrying her (which felt like taking her from me), or buckling her seat into the taxi either. I wanted to do everything for my baby. (Yes, it’s his too but I just pushed her out I get a pass on saying mine)
This clearly wasn’t what others thought of normal. I read the comments loud and clear for the disgust to my post. It is my normal. It’s my daily life, my routine, my personality, it’s what makes me different than you. It doesn’t make me less or more of a mother a female or person.
It does make me sad though. Not for myself having to defend my actions and choices. But for others I know who maybe aren’t as strong. I’m bothered with the knowledge that moms often hide things to be safe from parenting attacks. If you are one of these moms who have been hurt, know I feel for you! I’d stand up and fight for you. If you’re the person with the desire to put negativity into the world, shame on you. Think twice next time. Just because it’s a photo online it doesn’t mean that the person in it isn’t a real human with real feelings.
So as I embark on the journey as a mommy of four. I will be myself. I’ll wear heels, I’ll breastfeed publicly, I’ll co-sleep when she’s older, I’ll screw up at times and I’ll love my kids more than life itself. I won’t be afraid to share this with you. I also will never tell you to do as I do. Because that would be boring to all be the same.
I support being yourself and was inspired to throw on my heels for no reason other than I can! I like them. They are me and my normal.