Before I start I am going to say that photos will be graphic for some and YES will contain actual breasts! Nude boobies. Yup! No top on… So if this offends you please move along as I believe this is the transparency I want to show because when I made this choice I researched my life away trying to find someone willing to be honest and show me outcome.
Let’s rewind to 2001….
2 weeks after my 21st birthday I gave birth to my second child. (Kaeden Isaiah) Breastfeeding this bundle of joy (screaming 24/7 making nipples bleed from bad latch joy) was a given. The perk to nursing was the nice full size breasts,,,, the downs was the additional weight I was carrying. It was this year that marriage starting getting hard. My husband of the time was traveling for work and not the kindest to my new body. As the year went on more marriage challenges happened and I needed to try and save it by becoming better. By better it meant skinny and needing to be more attractive so he would want to be with me only. By the fall things got worse and that was when I started to starve myself and to throw up my food. I didn’t think I was bulimic because I never over ate or binged but instead felt I was bettering myself by simply ridding myself of the food I ate at supper. At this time I started to consider implants. My mother had gotten them a couple years prior and she was raving at what they do for you. I scheduled my surgery for just after my birthday and just before Kaeden’s birthday. One thing that mattered more than making my husband like me or myself look “female and sexy” was my son. I decided he was more important to breastfeed till the end than to stop before the year. (Thank goodness I at least kept my head straight with my kids)
The day of surgery came and it all went very easy. I felt completely great and resumed normal life the next morning. I felt like I made a great choice but still was needing to fix the rest of my body. I had learned about Atkins diet shortly after and became the strictest low carb person ever. Over the next year I was able to drop down to 115 pounds (I am 5’8″ -well 5 foot 7 + 3/4″) It was then that I noticed my implants were rippling and not as desirable as I had imagined or what I would see in magazines or TV. I made another appointment to see my surgeon.
Around 2004/5 I had another operation and put in silicone 550cc (these were just getting approved again) Let me say they were HUGE on my body now that I look back! Shortly after this I moved out and got divorced. (Got some strength and common sense) I started to rebuild a new life. I also allowed my body to put on 10 pounds to look much healthier!
My implants served me well during low self esteem days. I felt like I fit into the model of what a woman’s body should be. Yes, they were huge and I had to tailor many of my tops or buy a size up to just fit them but during the years having them I was happy.
Fast forward to marrying Kurt, having 2 more kids, a proper relationship and self reflection. I became a brand new me! I was confident and started not caring about what people thought. Sometimes so much so Kurt said he created a monster! LOL
Early this year around my 40th birthday I decided that my breast implants were becoming a hindrance and looking at my daughter I did not want her to do this to her body. I wanted to be a better role model. After announcing that I was going to remove them I had quickly learned about Bii. (breast implant illness) After reading hours upon hours worth of information I started to reflect on my health and things started to fall into place. I was checking off the boxes of illness. About 2 years ago my hair started to fall out in clumps. My shoulder pains started giving me migraines on the regular and my sleep issues amplified. I had the need for eye drops daily. My breathing was never a full breath and the sensations I was feeling were not normal. I’d have aches and burning in my breasts. My eyes were doing the blurs that I swore was because I was now “old”. It was time to get them out!
I found a lot of information on the Facebook page
Click below for direct link
They had links to the website with a list of recommended doctors. All the questions you should ask and what to expect. The best support group I ever was involved in!
I did about 4 consults before I selected a doctor. I ended up changing doctors shortly after because I didn’t feel right with the original choice. I am keeping my selection private as I really believe you should do your research and pick someone who is good for you. It is a very big surgery and I would hate to say I love my doc and then someone not be happy with them!
Here is the recommended surgeon list link
The website is linked
Now on to what everyone wants to see (or won’t be able to unsee! JK!)
I am going to date my results so you can see as the days have gone by. It has only been a short 2 weeks of healing so I will give another update of how they go in months. I will also be doing a separate post tomorrow for things I loved and needed and tips the I found useful.
I would post photos of pre boobs however the only ones I have that show well are from a photo shoot when I was about 17. I was very slim with tiny boobs that just filled and A. I lost a lot of years of photo after my divorce sadly. He wasn’t great and a girl he met threw out what he had (including my wedding pics and keepsakes that I hoped my boys could see in many years down the road)
I tried to get natural light and didn’t add and filter so you can see raw as much as possible.
550 cc Silicone under the muscle. See left side how is it lifted and turned slightly. Breastfed 1 child for 2 years and another child 1.5 years after this set was placed in. (It is actually my right breast) That is an undetected rupture. It was causing a capsule contracture.
I was a 34/36 G
I am tall, muscular and with my increased weight gain they hid how actually large they are.
Below is a photo of how big they were in a push up bra.
Capsular contracture is essentially a tightening – or contracting – of the scar tissue. Symptoms usually emerge gradually and may be noticed first as a feeling of mild tightening. As contracture increases, the breast may appear misshapen and become very firm and painful, especially when lying on it.
Morning of surgery. Nov 6/19
First night I slept propped. Well I slept initially until I had to take a pain med that kept me wired until the next morning! I switched them out asap the next day.
Morning after surgery. Nov 7/19
I was feeling a lot of pain on my right side ribs. That was the ruptured implant.
No drains used. Surgeons choose to do them or not. I had issues with drains before so this was a good thing for me.
Post op check up and my temporary bra until I got my new support ones. I thought I would be flat so this size was a surprise! I had to go back shopping for a larger bra.
My eyes on top. Photo just before surgery and photo next day.
I can’t explain why but they have been whiter and brighter and I no longer need eyedrops.
Bloating was set in. I know some may say “ya right” but it was. I did bring my own food and health alternatives to get things flowing. The medication really eats with my body.
Nov 7 late afternoon.
I got the balls to look at them.
The first time I was able to see them I was shocked and truthfully a little unhappy because I thought they would be nice little tiny boobs. They were swollen but my meds made me foggy so I was all over in emotions.
Time to head home! I was feeling very well. Still taking some pain meds for the terrible aches in the ruptured side.
Make shift bed for home! Needed to be comfy.
Day 3 and I felt my skin was already relaxing and my mind was becoming at ease.
My first hair was and oh did it feel good!!
My second oldest was so gentle and caring.
I now needed to rest a couple days to recoup from it all. Mentally and physically it had me in ups and downs. Mainly ups with joy and the heal was starting to be real! I could breathe so well and other things were happening too that made me feel so good!
Morning of Nov 12/19
Scars were closing lovely.
I had fear my nipple would fall off! Yeah, I am that crazy lol.
The clinic said adding tape over wouldn’t do any harm so I did and boy did that help my nightmares.
I panicked at the sight of the yellow on my right breast! I thought for sure I got and infection or it was not healing.
Turns out that it was bruising coming through when means it is healing.
I also had a bad couple days of bloating so I ended up getting Swiss Kriss natural Laxative to help.
This was the time I started to get sad. I could see the volume and size on my left breast was much larger. While one whom may look at these photos may say it is barely a problem. it was HUGE in my eyes. I cried a lot this day and felt I would need a second operation.
Bruising up close. Oh and my extra tape for the nipple anxiety!
My compression bra/top was giving marks.
The size difference was showing more and my bandages fell off to reveal the Frankenstein areola/nipple. I crashed. I literally felt so sad and hurt with my body.
The look of my breast was so scary I thought for sure I would never be ok or heal enough. I didn’t show Kurt but did cry a lot more. I already started planning to have another surgery to fix this. I couldn’t believe my skin was so wavy either. In my mind the lift should make me have smooth skin and perky little nipples. They should be the same size and now I was a stretched out, wrinkly washed up 40 year old.
The one thing that kept me getting through these bad days was my son Kaeden. He was so caring that everyday he would check in and ask how they are healing and looking. He kept pushing me to feel better and ok. He said I looked great for such little time I was doing awesome. It was him who helped me not fall too deep into the sadness that hits depression.
I took many deep breathes and prayed for comfort and healing.
It finally looked like things may be changing and coming around the corner.
I taped the babies up after applying scar strips.
ya, ya some will say they contain silicone but so do many things and I wanted to have good healing strips.
No negative needed for this!
My skin was starting to smooth. I was quite delighted by that! I also read up that it can take 3-6 months to retract or even up to a year to be its best.
I also noticed that size difference I thought I was going to be stuck with wasn’t so big anymore.
I was now 11 days post op. Eating well and starting to heal well.
I started to feel the excitement and joy that I had previous the surgery.
Scar strips are on but I wish I could show how fantastic they were/are getting. Sadly, that tiny nipple sets people off! yup… good ole society creeps and uptight people. (I have no problem with nudity… didn’t get that gene)
The day I felt I was going to have the cutest boobies I ever had once healed! My nipples are healing so well and the size is coming down on that larger one. The bruising is almost non existent! My body is getting back to itself and I am becoming the think positive person again! I have marks from my bra I have to wear 24/7 for 30 days in many photos and they also compress some. I believe in a month or more when I get into a nice comfortable flex bra they will smooth even more and obviously the marks on my ribs will go away.
I will share the scar on my areola and anchor stitches in a couple months without the bandage.
Sorry they are on and too much to take off for last pic but its changed some from previous couple days.
I am confident that when the say “the heal is real” it is the truth.
So much of my body feels different, from my eyes to my face skin, my inflammation, my brain to my chest. It is all positive.
The downside is; recovery is a little longer than I like, I do feel arm aches or inner breast muscle aches from the capsulectomy/implant removal when I try and do too much. My tummy can get a little sensitive but from what I read the heavy metals that I had in my body are detoxing. I hate sleeping on my back!! And I have BO! Like I have never had this in my life – I don’t wear deodorant because I typically react to it but hear I am loading it up as of yesterday so people at work won’t smell me!
The changed tape I used and found a lighter more breathable one at Target. It was a 2 pack I think called paper tape by ban-aid. It didn’t make my skin list or wrinkle like the original thick one. That is what you see in later images.
Below are the toxic bags that I was once told are super safe and had they ever broke nothing would enter my body because they stay together like gel.
Damn 6″ wide!!
Look at this sick toxic gel!! It is like glue!
Yup, that flap of plastic is just a random floating piece that was on my ribs and near my lung. Poisoning my body.
They are under highlights
My a week post healing photo.
3 MONTH UPDATE!!
I have finally weighed myself. I do not want to get caught up on the scale as I am doing my best to heal my mental health and body issues. I was the girl who weighed herself daily!
Currently 140 was 155-158 with implants at the end of sickness. Weight in my 20’s to late 30’s was average 135. I think my body is sorting itself back out to my natural less inflamed and poisoned state.
Bra shopping has been a bit to take mentally. I have found that unlined work the best. I fit a 34 B/C depending on the bra I could be a 36A. I was lucky that one of my fabulous followers sent some gifts and it included these cute bra’s along with a couple others. They all fit great but maybe because I wasn’t being so judgy to my body and boobs at home.
OK so the big heal reveal!
Here they are! The nipples are healing very well! The scars can be more faded somedays over others. I find when I am stressed or extra active they redden. It has not been that long (just 11 weeks – short bit under 3 months) so I am sure it will only get better!
Up close scars healing. Also you can see the droop but that is OK! Millions of us have that and honestly I think its sexy.
3 surgeries later! oh man..
Positive changes I have seen happen to me and my body….
Mental Health. This has been the best! I have always struggled with ups and downs and self worth. I feel clearer headed and look at my body with positivity.
Inflammation. It is very clear to even outsiders I look less swollen. People that see my around town ask what I have been doing lately because I look so healthy and great. (Like the people I don’t really know are doing this!)
Breathing is still wonderful. I have not been overly active because I still feel the healing happening so I have not pushed that.
Vision blurs gone.
The bedroom wresting (wink wink) has been WOW! Kurt took some adjusting and so did I at first. We actually had some REALLY hard days in early December. He felt I was too fragile to touch and needed to get used to seeing my body this way. I took that as he hated my body when he said he was afraid. Our world crumbled for a few weeks and gosh I was thankful for my friends to listened to me and those that said Kurt needed time but does love me. Marriage is already hard and especially in a lifestyle we live of owning a bar with a bunch of trashy girls who would like to be with the bar owner. The craziest thing is Kurt kept commenting how beautiful I looked in my clothes without the big implants and I just would not hear it. I guess we need to grow and heal and can blame others for our own pain we have.
Nipple sensation. If I didn’t have anything change and only got this I would do this over a million times! YOU GUYS! I have never felt them like this in my adult life! I was so mind blown I may have told the ladies in my kitchen I cook with way too much about it. LOL! But for real they are sensitive in the best way I have never had. They used to be flat and lifeless after my first implant set was “installed” haha
Weight loss. This has been nice but not anything that I did this for.
My skin. It has more glow and my face looks so much healthier.
My hair. IT IS GROWING!! I have so much new baby hair and can not wait to see what the next year will hold for my thickness. (extension girl up in here!)
My daughter. She is only 4 years old and she has told me she likes that we are twinning.
My youngest son. He is only 8 and walked into the bathroom as I was dressing and said “mom, I don’t want to hurt your feelings or be rude. I really love how your boobies look. I think the other fake ones made you look not nice like this.” I know what he was saying is he liked me natural and not the look I had going on before. I am certain that these boys will never push any woman to change what God gave her.
There for sure are more things but these are the stand out to me.
Some things I have worked through were a few high blood pressure spikes. Food sensitivity to some additional things. Itchy scars. My first time in a swimsuit shock. But this is all settling.
Anyways, much love to those who have supported me!
I am happy to hear so many of you have positivity coming from this. From women who are feeling better about what they have to women who have now explanted or have their appointments booked. I just hope we can reach a day in society that all body types are accepted by EVERYONE.